uuuggghhh

I just woke up. Ended the night stumbling home. Haven’t been that drunk in years. Litterally. I think that things might be coalescing. However it’s spelled. I need to stop drinking so much all the time. More on that later.

The Virginia Evaluation For Intelligence

This is a story I am currently working on revising. I got lots of great comments from my workshop this summer, and I’m just opening this to a (hopefully) wider audience. This is how I turned the story in to class, without further revisions.

The Virginia Evaluation For Intelligence

“Will the following students please report to room 171 for VEFI testing…”

Oh please, oh pleeaase don’t let them call me…

“William Johanas Mossbourge,

“Ronald Justin Clearwater,

“Joseph Frank London,

“and Kristian Alissabeth Rutherford. Again, please report to room 171 for VEFI testing.”

“Oh no, no, it’s not fair! I won’t go, I won’t I won’t!

“Kristian, look at the boys, they aren’t complaining, why don’t you go along with them and take the test?”

“It’s not fair to take the test with three boys!”

“Well, you’ll have to realize that life is not fair; besides that, they don’t have any advantage over you, you are very smart.”

“Yes they do! They’re boys, they’re bigger and stronger and smarter and they’re all better than me and I’m just gonna fail next to them!”

“Kristian, go with them right now. You have no choice in it, the test is required.”

“It’s not fair!”

“Go on, now, and we’ll discuss the fairness of it later.”

“Hello?”

“Hello, Mrs. Rutherford?”

“Yes, what can I do for you?”

“Hi, my name is Mark Davies, and I’m calling from the Virginia Population Centre. The results from your daughter’s VEFI test are in.”

“Oh, really? She didn’t tell me about it. How did she do?”

“Well, yes she did take it. Unfortunately, she did not do very well in comparison to the other test takers. I regret to inform you that she has been scheduled for cessation because her scores do not fall above the fiftieth percentile for all five test scores and is therefore classified as a non-contributing member of society.”

“Oh my God … Oh my God. It can’t be. You have to let her take it again. She is much smarter than that. She… She just… Please, I’m begging you, you can’t take her she’s all I have, all I live for. Please let her take it again!”

“Kristian will be picked up tomorrow at eight a.m. I am sorry.”

“please, please don’t do this.”

“Dad?”

“Virginia! Hi Honey, how are you?”

“Dad, we need to borrow the cabin for a while. You still have it, right?”

“Yes… what’s wrong? I can hear you’re upset, what is it?

“Dad, they made Kristian take the VEFI and… We really need a place to hide, they want to take her, and we’ll never see her again and they’re going to kill her! I’ve got to do something.”

“But can’t you appeal the matter?”

“The Population Courts never grant appeals. Unless we do something, Kristi is dead!”

“Virginia, you’ve never been against the population policy before… Why suddenly are you—“

“Don’t you know how dangerous it is to say that kind of thing? They’re easier on you old people cause you lived with freedom, but they don’t put up— Dad, won’t you help?”

“You know I would, Honey… but I have to think of my life, too. You’re gonna have to handle this one yourself.”

“Dad, they’re going to KILL her… Dad?”

“Michael! Michael, you have to come home now… Screw work, we have to leave as soon as Kristi gets home.”

“Virginia? Slow down, honey, what’s wrong?”

“Michael, they want to take Kristi… she took the VEFI test… and they called today and they’re going to get her tomorrow morning and…

“Michael, they are going to kill her.”

“…”

“Michael?”

“I’ll be right home, honey”

“Did you call your dad about the cabin?”

“Yeah, he’s not going to help. Bastard! Can’t trust anyone who’s not your own blood. I tried, but he just doesn’t care. He’s never even seen Kristi… how’s he supposed to care?”

“We’ve got to figure something out. I knew we should have moved to Quebequois when Kristi was born. What about the Andersons? Did you try them?”

“No! They love the Commonwealth and the Republic. They’re real Patriots. No chance there… don’t we know about anyone who’s gotten away? The ISP’s block all the net feeds about that… but don’t we know someone? Anyone?”

“I’ve heard people making it to Quebequois or the United European States, but I don’t think—“

“No, Kristi’s on their list and we won’t get tickets. I don’t know anyone who can get id’s for us so quickly either. We have to drive, and as far as possible as soon as she gets home.”

“Well, we could make the mountains, and maybe Kentucky or Tennessee…”

“Let’s get ready, she’ll be home soon.”

“You know we can never come back? This is it.”

“Yes. She’s worth it. You know I can’t have another…”

“I know.”

“Mommy! I’m home…”

“Kristi! Bonjour Ma Petite!”

“Daddy, you’re home early.”

“Yes, honey, we’re going to go on a little vacation. I want you to put your favorite things in your backpack, except your computer, you can’t bring that, okay?”

“Okay, where are we going? The beach? Oh, I want to go to the beach!”

“No, I think we’ll be going camping for a while in the forests in Kentucky. We’re going to drive for a ways, so I want you to bring some games and books and stuff, okay? Go on and get your stuff ready now. We need to leave soon.”

“Okay!”

“Do you think she took it okay, Michael?”

“I’m not sure she even understands.”

“THIS IS A POLICE RAID. DO NOT MOVE, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO LEAVE THE AREA. VIRGINIA RUTHERFORD, MICHAEL RUTHERFORD, AND KRISTIAN RUTHERFORD ARE TO EXIT THE BUILDING AT ONCE THROUGH THE FRONT DOORS. ALL OTHER EXITS ARE CLOSED.

“YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR ATTEMPTING TO EVADE A STATE-ORDERED CESSATION. YOU WILL BE TAKEN BACK TO VIRGINIA AND HER CESSATION WILL PROCEED AS SCHEDULED. THE MANDATORY SENTENCE FOR THE CHARGE IS TO OBSERVE THE PROCEDURE. THE COURT HAS FOUND YOU GUILTY AS CHARGED AND ORDERED SUCH SENTENCE BE CARRIED OUT. YOU WILL THEN BE RELEASED. FURTHER, YOU ARE FINED SUCH AMOUNT AS REQUIRED TO REIMBURSE THE COMMONWEALTH FOR THE CURRENT ACTIONS. APPROXIMATELY TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS.

“COME WITH US.”

A Rocky Start, 1-3

What exactly do you do when, out of nowhere, you lose your breath? When an unexpected encounter leaves you wondering what in the hell just happened? Who was that?

This is what happened to me on my first encounter with Melissa. Flabbergasted and tongue-tied I felt like a middle-schooler again. Not only was she beautiful, but smart, and kind, and (this is important for me) interesting. On top of all that, she was also my age. Which was an odd thing, being at the community college, rebooting my college career after a stint in the military. I am just at that age, now, where all the students seem like kids to me, or they are looking for a second degree at their mid-forties. So I was surprised. To say the least. And I made the minimal effort at conversation for the five minutes we spoke after class.

Introducing herself to me, she made a comment about how we had Art History together as well as the writing class we were walking away from. We made small talk about the classes and professors until we split ways, she to the bus stop, and I to the parking lot. I sat in my car for a few minutes and pondered the stirrings of what I had not felt in a few years. Was I ever terrified. These things always sneak up on me, I thought as I turned the key in the ignition.

—–

So where do things go from here? What kind of action does one take, to express one’s immediate and overwhelming feelings? Do you just blurt out all of the impressions and pour a heartful of blood out onto the table through slit elbows, or do you hold it in until some point later where you can look on things from a more logical perspective (as Spock would say)?

In my experience, I have always been blind-sided. By that I mean, love (or infatuation, I guess) is always sudden, surprising, and (this is important) reciprocated. And in this case it was not immediate, or surprising, or (maybe) reciprocated. So What To Do?

Take things slowly. Hang out, build a good friendship, and see where things go. I have not tried this approach before, and I must say I was very nervous about doing it that way.

—–

I startled awake. In front of the tv, again. I had only been asleep for a second. The kind of doze-off you get when you’ve been studying too long or driving too far. The cartoon was still on the same scene, but that was just something registered in the back of my consciousness. What was really on my mind was Melissa. I had fallen asleep with her head settling on my shoulder, and her arm entwining with mine, and I felt natural and loved. But it was only a flash dream. Sometimes, when I’m going to sleep, my leg muscles will jump, and that always feels like a falling sensation, and it always wakes me up. This dream was like that, but in a good way. It confirmed that what I had been carefully easing forward the last few months was really true. That my feelings were not just infatuation or overblown friendship. Both those things have been a real issue for me, letting my heart runaway with my well-being into the uncharted areas of life. So I’ve been trying to approach this one differently. Trying to ease into something real as opposed to reactionary. I felt now like I was succeeding. I hoped.

Melissa and I had been spending time together, outside of class. Moving in cautious orbits around each other. We studied, and talked and laughed more than getting any work done. We took a voluntary field trip to DC together, went to the art museums, saw Rembrandt and the one da Vinci in the US. We went to a poetry reading, and hung out at a bar she knew about afterwards. We talked for hours, about anything, and we made each other laugh, and pout, and generally made each other happy like only true friends can. I was getting too excited about the possibilities of the relationship, and I knew it, and still there was nothing I could do to stop myself. One little crack of hope would send me spiraling in for gutwrenching hurt.

tbc…

A Rocky Start, pt 2

Part I

So where do things go from here? What kind of action does one take, to express one’s immediate and overwhelming feelings? Do you just blurt out all of the impressions and pour a heartful of blood out onto the table through slit elbows, or do you hold it in until some point later where you can look on things from a more logical perspective (as Spock would say)?

In my experience, I have always been blind-sided. By that I mean, love (or infatuation, I guess) is always sudden, surprising, and (this is important) reciprocated. And in this case it was not immediate, or surprising, or (maybe) reciprocated. So What To Do?

Take things slowly. Hang out, build a good friendship, and see where things go. I have not tried this approach before, and I must say I was very nervous about doing it that way.

tbc….

Unbearable Lightness

Very… Different. The narrator breaks in with philosophizing all the time. It seems like the book would only be half as long if not for it. A story (in my opinion) should not need that much explanation, but it could just be the de facto style in former soviet bloc countries. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but if it breaks in with the same things, it might be unbearable. (heh heh)

I saw Episode 3 again last night. Second time. The first time was in a kind of shitty theater, but this time I saw it in all the digital surround, stadium seating, huge screen glory. Plus the place was empty. I try to make a point of avoiding big movies on their release weekend unless I can make it by 2 or 3, because the crowds always suck. I liked it, again, and I think it’s the best of the new ones put out. Of course, none of them match up to the originals, in all their original, low-tech glory. There’s just nothing like real explosions of real models in real environments. I loved them. Also, the dialogue seems to have been written for minors in the new ones, and the acting in Ep.3 leaves some things to be desired. Yes, it’s grandiose and epic, but that should not dictate the quality of acting. Every line seems almost contrived, and the pauses between character interaction is almost inexcusable. Ahh, Mr. George…. What have you done?

I am currently looking for a job. Part-time (25-30 hours/week), flexible enough for school, and something to keep me busy enough to prevent me from falling asleep. If anyone knows of a position, drop me a line.

Eric

Fear and Loathing, pt deux

So, at the end, you are wondering where the American Dream has got itself to. I’m left thinking, thirty-five years later, and drunk, and not responsible, the same thing. My thing is more like this, however:

Was there any such thing as the American Dream? Did it ever exist, or was it just a fascination with an entire generation. That generation was basically split in half. Who supported the war, and who did not. How do I fit in to that version of history? Everything is complex now, every issue is crowded by slippery morray eels. How do you escape their electro-gnawing grasp? Ignorance is becoming the true bliss in this over-hyped, over-spun, bull-crap world.

Biggest example:
Now, you can support the troops (the GI’s the Marines, the Sailors, etc.) without supporting the government that sends them wherever the fuck it wants.

disclaimer:
I do not vote based on party lines. People have to decide which issues are important to them, and vote that way. I am fairly conservative Constitutionaly, however, I see very bad things in the future of a populace that votes according to religion. The entire existance of this country is based on freedom (and seperation) of religion from government.

enough soap-boxing, I’m going to bed.

Eric

Fear and Loathing

I just finished reading The World According to Garp, and started in on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas this morning. I was sitting at my coffee shop, drinking coffee (!) and waiting for my buddy to call me. We were going to shoot firearms at a range he knew about. A .357mag revolver and a .45 1911 model. I shot both, and I have to say, for first time shooting (pistols) I did fairly well. Four inch groupings with both .38spec and .357mag rounds he had for the revolver at 10 yards. My groupings with the 1911 were more like 6 or 7 inches, but still doable.

The point of all of this is that Fear and Loathing may not be the best influence on a person just before going to shoot guns. I was trigger-happy, I was speeding crazily the whole way to the range, I moved through traffic like water, like a dancer. I was pretty high off reading. Reading.

Also, don’t invade my house, cause I’ll put a full six rounds where ever I want to.

Also, I wanted to mention some things about Garp since I indicated this was to be a kind of reading journal as well. Namely this: I felt like the book was constantly ending. I felt, at times, like, “This is the end.” And I would feel satisfied and could put it down, only to realize I’m only half way through. And I would think, “Where else could he possibly go with this?” I think it depressed me thoroughly. I’m almost done with Fear and Loathing, but I’ve already made my feelings clear on that. I’m surprised how faithful the movie was to the book.

I have The Unbearable Lightness of Being lined up for after that.

Eric

ps- The reason I mention pistols up there was because I was an expert rifleman in the Marine Corps three years running. At 500 yards with open sights I could put six or seven of ten rounds in the black consistently. I am fairly proud of this fact.

Drunk

this post deleted seeing as how it sucked and wasn’t going anywhere.

Eric